Thursday 28 September 2006

It really blow me up!!!!

S**T!!!!!!!! what inside their head!!!!!!! S**T!!!!how dare she make my toilet dirty after made the toilet that she usually use dirty up to maximum point until nobody dare to go in....Now, is the toilet i usually use.... she really want me to slap her..... this morning brushing my teeth.... the sink.... whole sink....... all her hair.... i really want to help her to cabut all her hair!!!!!!i already be very patient and not to care about her.... but SHE MESS UP WITH ME!!!!!!!this is the second time i become very extremely angry since july...... i really wan to slap her.... tonite.... no way i want to talk to her... if she didnt wash the toilet... she better bkful... i will not forget it easily!!!!!! D**M.....everyday the indian song playing loud like market!!!!





i made a decision already... i will move out of that room next sem... possible same apartment with shia yok... if u wan me to stay in that kind of room for another sem.... totally you wan me to die!!!!!!!!!!!

Tuesday 26 September 2006

Problem.....

each and everyday, we take one step closer to our final exam, one step closer to our sem break.... everything passed by just like that.... one more month or one month ++ final exam will fill our day up....  however, assignments still take most of our time... how to study like this.... i have a bad result in programming, ca, every subject.... but it doesn't seem like i'm really sad with everything.... what's happen to me ?





this sunday goin out for buffet.... and i'm very sure... i will eat alot to release my tension and my pressure.....i try to finish up my programming assignment that released yesterday by this sunday, same with math assignment 4...... for the project, programming... everthing under control. for MM.... still abit blur with it.... i'm waiting for the ca assignment... and math assignment 5.i want to finish it as fast as i can... Hope God Will Be At My Side All The Time....... sound like i'm goin to die.... well, i am..... the " pressure " is killing me now.....





registration for semester 2 courses already started today...... it will totally make my brain twisted juz because of this problem......i have been through a bad exprience in registrater courses in sem one..... one more thing..... pelengkap??? what should i take....tourism or music.... good thing about music is.... yes, it is my interest, then it is near(at new campus). then tourism... is my interest too.... but however... with the 17 credit timetable( not yt plus pelengkap) in the second sem.... i dun think we have the time to rush to old campus juz for the tourism class..... tourism class maybe be very fun.....but i have to think twice......or should i say think very cook-cook.... hehe......





i'm starting to get addicted to this word " Ceh~"... i think it is cute la..... haha....





ok lah... have to stop now .... May God Bless Everyone... God Loves Us All....... i love you all too....bye....

Tuesday 19 September 2006

houzmate = headache

what should i say... i totally angry this morning... ( one of the reason is didnt sleep well)...think back yeasterday nite... when i want to throw rubbish..... i discover my shoes... gone... who wore.. of coz that gurl la.... there is once she asked, i let her wore... but then.... after that time.... she will wear it whenever she go without asking like the shoes was hers!!!.... S**T..... what the hell she thinking..!!! last nite i have no shoes to wear....Damn..... make me very angry this morning... plus up.... that gurl wear people shoes without asking and.... even my roomate shoes also gone.... she have a lot of shoes.... and ruiun  pidah's iron~ crazy.....  then , go to sinki there.... rubbish bag full of unfinished dishes that caused unpleasant smell in the whole houz..... what the hell are they thinking..... rubbish bin outside the houz , why they dont want to throw it outside!!!!! Went to toilet also dun wan to flush!!!! make the whole houz smelly like shit!!! the shoes issue... this morning i almost want to scold everyone in the houz!!!! i almost want to burst into pieces live in that houz!!!!! but then i wrote a note put it in front my shoes... " do not wear my shoes without my permission, because when you wear it without asking... that is very rude!!!!" i'm so angry with them!!!!!!





so everyday , i stay quiet and lock myself in room.... i rather be alone in that houz.....i didnt talk lot since holiday....when they ask, i answer.... if not i wont talking.... except to my roomate and pidah.... i dun like my houz.... i scared of everyone of them!!!!!





Dun wear my shoes again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! aRgH~~~~~~

Monday 18 September 2006

sometimes....

sometimes, somewhere in unimas... i feel so touched on everything  around me... especially ten bros and all the person i know(coursemates).... this is the third month in unimas... and yes, you can find out everyone are so friendly and sweet....i'm so amazed and so touched..... maybe busy life in the faculty isnt a bad thing  or maybe it is a great thing... because... whenever you walk around in unimas... you meet a coursemate that you dont even know her name, and she didnt even know your name... but at least a "hi" ,a " bye bye" and asking where does she going are the conversation when we met.... i'm so suprise with that...everyone are so friendly here actually......

Sunday 17 September 2006

whatever then..... thanks for everything

i found out no metter how sad i am , the next day i'm able to smile again..... can this be count courage or crazy......? yesterday nite... yes... i was very scared.... and miserable.....i dun know what happen to me.... until i cant finish my data com draft.... i'm so sad with myself.... imagine a piece of cloth was all wet in one hour....i duno how many pearl i throw away juz like that because of them.... they cant feel it.. they dun even know it.......i did it again this morning in the mm lecture in front of shia yok..... all the feels come whenever they want... and then all the pearls fall off one by one..... how i wish this thing never happen to me....





but my friends... thanks for everything.... especially that person ( hehe) ... who accompany me talking last nite when i was so down....and felt unsecure towards my life.... thank4 for every1,kian kok, shia yok, wei jan... everyone.... thanks.... because of u guys, i manage to smile today........ ping~ ping~ ping~ ping~ ( Thanks alot for that)....... hahaha.....

_this......

我爱的人   (by 陈小春)





我知道故事不会太曲折
我总会遇见一个什么人
陪我过没有了他的人生
成家立业之类的等等
他做了他觉得对的选择
我只好祝福他真的对了
爱不到我最想要爱的人
谁还能要我怎样呢
我爱的人不是我的爱人
他心里每一寸都属于另一个人
他真幸福幸福得真残忍
让我又爱又恨他的爱怎么那么深
我爱的人他已有了爱人
从他们的眼神说明了我不可能
每当听见他或她说「我们」
就像听见爱情永恒的嘲笑声............T_T



................

it is horrible this morning....  my eyes... i dun dare to see my eyes... i never thought i will[.......] so hard after think back ...........the incident really break me down....i duno what to say.... that song...., its that song make me feel horrible......i hate myself

Thursday 14 September 2006

ok... i'm fine.... ok... i'm lied....

hey..... life... i'm fine.. i'm still facing it... argh~~~~





ok... i admit it ... i'd lied.... exam is killing me.... argh~~~~~ my headache is killing me.... and very sure that FIT is killing everyone of us.....all the assignments, project... deadline in this n next week.... then exam in this week again.... what are they thinking......





everything bek to normal for my "feelz".... i guess life isnt that bad...... i dun know..... coz tears filling the eyes isnt a good thing to happen....... put smile on face is the best thing ..... hopefully..... life n emotion getting much more better next week...... i'm stress out this week... i ate alot.... alot~~~~~~ more than kian kok, weijan ......... imagine that... haiz..... later i will eat myself up.....







hahahaha.......... bbye... i love u all......



God Bless....

Thursday 7 September 2006

that is nice.....or maybe not....

everything gonna be fine after tomorrow... i know that.... although i know i never walk out from the space where covered the dark image.... but at least i never let my soul to go in deeper... i loves myself...and i know God loves me...the sadness that put on me on march and april will never leave me alone... i know they always accompany me...until the day i die or... the day i really lost my emotion.... Maybe that can be count courage that i still alive n facing them.... maybe.....or maybe will become worst i guess....until now, i havent climb back to the place where i fell down.... it takes time.... a lot time... months or years.... or even a decade.....or a century or a millennium.... whereby i left the world oledi.... these days i keep thinking the previous memory.... i think this is due to i just met them... i dun know when i will let it go.... that memory did not curved in my heart but it break my heart in pieces... millions of pieces... billions n trillions of pieces.... i know it cannot be glue back to it shape...  i hate that me myself very weak inside.... feel so sorry to my soul.... i'm sad and God knows y......





that all for today... today i'm goin to write my diary when i'm back... hehe....long time i didnt write my diary because i dun wan to record down all the sad thing that happen to me.... i know it will be miserable......but however, i've change my mind....



bye.. lots of hugs n kisses..........

Tuesday 5 September 2006

I 'm always believe that GOD loves me.......

Yes, i'm still believe that.... God loves everyone, that's y i put on my smile everyday on my face no metter how tired, how scared, how sad i am...Every obstacles brings courage, but now, i dun know wat to say...that things that happen to me in march n april brings " dark image" to me. brings " sorrowful memory " to me which i dun have the courage to look back.....and makes me never want to step into that place again..... That place, i hate most..... Everyone tell me that i'm stupid, or maybe i really am..But what to do, i have to lie to myself to make everyone forget that miserable memory and be happy again. But then, i never thought of myself whether i did it wrong o right??? I realized one day, I have betrayed myself and betrayed my own feeling. Everyone is happy, except me, until now and i never happy when i think of it. This is a HORRIBLE BETRAYED!!!! This sadness n that march-april incident brings the feeling of " scare" into my life, and brings the words" Lost belief" in ........That day i cried again after a long period of time and yes, i cried alone too.I doesn't like what we seen in the movie. I guess, If that person doesn't went through on what i had went through, I think that person will never understand what am i thinking n my feeling forever because it is complicated . I have made a conclusion, i better be sad alone. I'm scared now, I'm thinking alot with the facts around me, billions and trillions of " MAYBE" i will think and i will choose the worst " MAYBE" that might be happen.



Maybe i look happy go lucky and tough outside, I'm totally wrecked inside.there are many many pieces left at the bottom of it, and it havent glued back. All this time, LIES ia wat i'm telling myself, then i  realize that i really cant stand all the lies already. I never been so scared and unsecure before.But then, i prefer to be alone on my own feeling, i wont shared my sadness with any other people else more. if i do sharing, it will hurt me more.Everything, i keep it for myself. However, i think i not selfish enough coz i still sharing my happiness with my friends..( knowing all my friends, it is a wonderful thing in the world)... sorry i have to say, you guys maybe did not know me well..... and that , i keep it for myself. It's not necessary to tell, to announce, and to share coz me myself very scared to tell and to share. i dun want the past happen on me again in the future....i dun have anybody to hit the wall together(no one will do the stupid thing that i'm doing), yell together with me, cry together, tear pic together, throwing things together, nobody will do that with me... coz i know it stupid... and crazy too....i'll do that when i'm totally down totally feel like lifeless....and extremely over stress....i'm telling the truth, the person who will do all this things with me, that kind of person... i met once in my life only.....She is in Penang now.... a friend who treat me like treathen herself... i knew her since kindergarden... How i wish she is beside me now.....i'm sorry i have to say this.... but she really mean alot to me.... Forget bout it however, I'm keeping every little sadness for my own, hoping that i'm not selfish n greedy for doing that.....I'm sorry guys.... i think this is the reason why i eat alot this week, eating non stop....i think it is because i'm very stress from the inside now... Committed suicide is no more a way for me to walk.... although i never try... i had the thinking ...I loves myself now....so i wont let myself hurt again....But then, no metter what, i think i'm stupid, that's all.......and that is what my roomate tell.. and i just smile.... i rather being stupid than being too over smart.....



Whatever, i know, God still loves me, that's y i still manage to love myself, just that i felt so sorry for my soul.....



This is the first time i write blog tat saying " No comment needed".... Special huh? haha.......



I loves everyone , God loves you all too bye... loves and kisses....

Monday 4 September 2006

whatever.....

life have been bad after holiday.........what have happen...?



sad sad sad......



i'm sick now......



i thought life will be better.... but i did the wrongs again and again.... i'm so dissapointed with myself...



very dissapointed..........