Yes, i'm still believe that.... God loves everyone, that's y i put on my smile everyday on my face no metter how tired, how scared, how sad i am...Every obstacles brings courage, but now, i dun know wat to say...that things that happen to me in march n april brings " dark image" to me. brings " sorrowful memory " to me which i dun have the courage to look back.....and makes me never want to step into that place again..... That place, i hate most..... Everyone tell me that i'm stupid, or maybe i really am..But what to do, i have to lie to myself to make everyone forget that miserable memory and be happy again. But then, i never thought of myself whether i did it wrong o right??? I realized one day, I have betrayed myself and betrayed my own feeling. Everyone is happy, except me, until now and i never happy when i think of it. This is a HORRIBLE BETRAYED!!!! This sadness n that march-april incident brings the feeling of " scare" into my life, and brings the words" Lost belief" in ........That day i cried again after a long period of time and yes, i cried alone too.I doesn't like what we seen in the movie. I guess, If that person doesn't went through on what i had went through, I think that person will never understand what am i thinking n my feeling forever because it is complicated . I have made a conclusion, i better be sad alone. I'm scared now, I'm thinking alot with the facts around me, billions and trillions of " MAYBE" i will think and i will choose the worst " MAYBE" that might be happen.
Maybe i look happy go lucky and tough outside, I'm totally wrecked inside.there are many many pieces left at the bottom of it, and it havent glued back. All this time, LIES ia wat i'm telling myself, then i realize that i really cant stand all the lies already. I never been so scared and unsecure before.But then, i prefer to be alone on my own feeling, i wont shared my sadness with any other people else more. if i do sharing, it will hurt me more.Everything, i keep it for myself. However, i think i not selfish enough coz i still sharing my happiness with my friends..( knowing all my friends, it is a wonderful thing in the world)... sorry i have to say, you guys maybe did not know me well..... and that , i keep it for myself. It's not necessary to tell, to announce, and to share coz me myself very scared to tell and to share. i dun want the past happen on me again in the future....i dun have anybody to hit the wall together(no one will do the stupid thing that i'm doing), yell together with me, cry together, tear pic together, throwing things together, nobody will do that with me... coz i know it stupid... and crazy too....i'll do that when i'm totally down totally feel like lifeless....and extremely over stress....i'm telling the truth, the person who will do all this things with me, that kind of person... i met once in my life only.....She is in Penang now.... a friend who treat me like treathen herself... i knew her since kindergarden... How i wish she is beside me now.....i'm sorry i have to say this.... but she really mean alot to me.... Forget bout it however, I'm keeping every little sadness for my own, hoping that i'm not selfish n greedy for doing that.....I'm sorry guys.... i think this is the reason why i eat alot this week, eating non stop....i think it is because i'm very stress from the inside now... Committed suicide is no more a way for me to walk.... although i never try... i had the thinking ...I loves myself now....so i wont let myself hurt again....But then, no metter what, i think i'm stupid, that's all.......and that is what my roomate tell.. and i just smile.... i rather being stupid than being too over smart.....
Whatever, i know, God still loves me, that's y i still manage to love myself, just that i felt so sorry for my soul.....
This is the first time i write blog tat saying " No comment needed".... Special huh? haha.......
I loves everyone , God loves you all too bye... loves and kisses....
