April~

看见朋友们好像每天都在写部落格，
觉得自己好像真的变了，变得更内向了，
变得不爱分享内心深处的心得了，我是怎么了？

长大了，就会变成这样吗？
长大了，高兴·伤心 都心甘情愿地自己吞了起来吗？

我记得我以前很爱写部落格的，
现在，是什么让我改变了？
每天都会带着一大堆的烦恼入睡，
醒过来又要面对新的挑战，
单纯地看这世界，它是多么的漂亮，
但是，却像玫瑰花般，带着无数的刺，
多么的邪恶， 多么的恐怖……
是这世界让我改变的吗？
也许这就是所谓的：成长的代价吧～
小时候的世界永远是最漂亮 最完美的……

四月份了……
为什么总觉得四月份发生好多事情呢？
忧郁症的开始，
公公的忌日，
FYP的海啸，
合约的终点，等等……

但是，我很庆幸我可以熬过，尤其是忧郁症……
现在回想起，都觉得可怕，
那把“尺”真的好可怕～
脑海里的另外一个声音，让我头痛，让我害怕，
眼泪可以无缘无故地流下，
心情起伏不定，那声音唤起我自杀的念头，


还好自己胆量小，拿起刀却动不下手，
真谢谢我那小小的胆量，
因为一些原因，因为一些哲言，
我还站在这里，
很高兴， 我可以成功摆脱它……
在我生命中，印象最深刻的忧郁症在一年后划下了句点……


公公的忌日，
还记得当时，一清二楚的
Form1 的时候
我在叔叔家看着台湾综艺节目，阿亮的节目，
而叔叔他们都在医院照顾中风的公公，
八点多时，妈妈打电话过来说公公快不行了，叫我赶快回家，
虽然有点不愿意，但还是回家了，
二姑在家陪我们几姐妹，
九点……九点半……十点了……，还是没有消息，
大家都很紧张，发呆的发呆，二姑一直打电话，
打通了， 有人接了，却传来坏的消息，
站在电话旁的我们， 看着双眼通红的二姑说，公公去世了，
叫我们赶快换上适当的衣服， 我往了是谁载们去店的……
我哭了好大声……
去到店，眼睛装满了眼泪，看见公公躺在那里
再也不会动了， 再也不会对我笑了……
一整夜，我一直看着公公，睡也没睡……

现在想起，公公去世已经快十年了，
但还是觉的他没有离开过我们，
常常都会托梦到公公回来看我们，
去扫墓的时候，看着公公的墓碑，公公的遗照，
我们都会觉的公公在对我们微笑……
曾经有一次梦到公公， 公公非常高兴地说“我的孙子来看我了……”
希望公公在另外一个世界里活得开心……

FYP，我也不想多说，
哭了多少眼泪， 失眠了多少夜，
让我不愿在想起……


工作合约在这个月完了
曾经让我苦恼了一阵子，
会不会失业？车怎么办？接下来该怎么办？
但是，多得我的恩师们 M.L 和 P.W，
合约没完就已经有新工作在等我了，
真的好开心， 真是谢谢我的恩师们……

现在的目标= 做好我的工作 和 我要去韩国！！！！
现在就见一步走一步咯。。。
谢谢朋友们的陪伴，
有了你们生活好精彩哦～
就因为有你们在UNIMAS，我才不想离开的……嘻嘻～

一个一个月地过，你们也忙 MASTER 的 paper，
不要忽略健康哦～
那个早早就逃到外面工作的人 （你知道你是谁~）

专心工作哦～ 每天把 SATELLITE 对准 UNIMAS 来 38 的～

哈哈哈。。。

有些话不是常常可以说出口的，
这时部落格就可以派上用场了……
当部落格只记载伤心的事时，
它就变得很可怕，
当部落格记载快乐的回忆时，
它自然的就会让你微笑起来……

Give me a life... please

i have been stop writing blog since last few months...whatever then... feel like want to start again...

lately i'm not quite sure why i have a very unstable emotion ... so emotional, angry, sad..feels like my dark past come to find me again... i have been thinking the cause of why i am totally different from my family member in this particular part "EMOTION" ... im like to gain attention from people around .. im scare to be alone... now im telling the truth, I Hate people leaving me alone... yes.. i know, im getting angry easily lately, causing me to feel the loneness inside more previous and previous year... i hate myself for being angry easily... i want people to know that im there... simply say... i want people to give me the confident saying.."arey, yes, you are here beside us", if not, i feel lost....

y? y im acting like this... i have been thinking why... but i think i found the cause of making me more sick and sick... and when i found it out, i think i really need a psychologist to help me... that time... on what had happen really did made a deep deep scar in me... so i act like this now... i want people to pay attention to me and know that i'm there... that time, they all dun want to talk to me... im still crying when i think of that incident..even i cried... nobody cares....how old am i that time.. im just only 7 or 8...i rather prefer they scold me than not talking to me... that night really hurt me alot... and left a scar.. so is it the scar making me to reflect like this nowadays???? i havent say this word since 2006..... and tonight, out of nithing... i have repeated myself by saying "i hate myself....."

i need time now...i really need time now... new year is coming, hope everything will be better then...why i din share with people around... because sometimes there really go thing that we cannot share it out through words...

pray for getting better then.. and stop global warming...

Birthday Present........that i received on my birthday......

@@ From Unimas's Friends....
This is the "Purple's Dream" drink that Shia Yok, Mei Hui, Mei Lu, Elise, Yew Li, Wei Jan, Ah Gui, Big Brother, and Kian Kok brought for me de.... Y? Because it is in purple colour... hahahha......
Actually there is oso a dinner.. which is cheese baked chicken chop rice.....

Then they also paid for the dinner for me.... actually not... they said they "chia " me... i secretly paid...then, they all give back money to me as "angpao" for my birthday... Pengz..

Then they brought few slice of secret recipe cheese cake to eat together at taman sahabat...

As a Conclusion , the most wonderful present i received from them is the time they spending with me.... more than 6 hours..... hahhah.. thanks alot.. and i love u ...

@@ From my family














This is the birthday cake my family brought for me.... well... i fried some chicken wings and chicken finger yesterday....My mom cooked bak kut teh....

Having a nice dinner with my family... thanks a lot to them... heheh...

though is simple.. yet it is the most meaningful moment for me..

@@With My Gang.....

This is the present that my gang gave me.... brought from 1borneo , kk there... through flight de oh....hahha... a very beautiful present.. i love it alot... because purple again... and "X" and "J" means alot to me.. hahhaha...

and of course not only this... they still paid for my drink and food yesterday....
hahha... really thanks to them... i love it a lot...

Conclusion.... not the presents are meaningful to me.. but them time they spent with me is the most meaningful of all.... and the best present of all, "TIMEs" they spent with me....

i love u all.....♥♥

Purple's dream......

purple... a very nice colour.....
well... i like purple alot...
i drink ribena....i eat purple rice...

purple colour desktop wallpaper....
purple cellphone wallpaper...
purple shirts...
purple shoes that i wore before...
purple earing..
purple stocking...
purple pens....
purple mechanical pencil...
purple hp hanger....
purple hp casing...
purple cloth hanger...
purple eye shadow...
purple mascara...
purple pen knife....
purple handbag....
purple lollipop...
purple background....
purple ....
purple... and purple .. and purple....

everything in purple....
i want to go to the purple sand seaside.....
i want to dye my hair into purple...
i want to use purple contact lenses...
i want to use purple frame for spec...
i want to see junsu singing "Purple Line"
i want own a purple hp...
i want own a purple ipod...
i want purple psp...
i want to paint my house into purple...

i want to paint myself in purple..
purple is mysterious...
i want to paint my dream into purple....
low profile purple...
purple is a secret yet is well-known...
make my dream purplely inside me...
and i will bring this purple dream to the end...
and leftover the purple line on the street....
that indicates the purplely path that i walk through...
that i purplely live in secret but yet known by others...
purplely breathe and heart-beating...
time passing noticed on the purple watch.....

like "purple snow falling on the desert"
purplely mysterious, special , yet sad and hurting...
live the life to the fullest with the purple's dream in heart.....

Happy Birthday~

happy birthday to me....
祝我生日快乐。。。。
생일 축하해!!!
Selamat Hari jadi!

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(Below i duno this is right or not... hahah... i use translator..)
私にハッピーバースデー~
joyeux anniversaire à moi!!! [French]
feliz aniversário para mim!!![Portuguese]
feliz cumpleaños a mí!!! [Spanish]
สุขสันต์วันเกิดให้ฉัน!!! [Thai]
maligaya kapanganakan sa akin!! [Filipino]
Χρόνια πολλά σε μένα [Greek]
मेरे जन्मदिन मुबारक हो !![Hindi]


This is how u can get wishes from almost all over the world.. heheh...

anyway happy birthday to me again....

앤지야, 앵일 축하해....[angie ya, happy birthday]
지금은 스물 둘 세[22 years old now ]
지금부터는 건강하게.....[from now on, stay healthy]
지금부터는 많은 많은 돈을 획득하다!!!![from now on, earn many many money]
그리고 부모님와 함께 한국에 여행을 가져....[and, get on a trip with my parent to south korea ...]

For those who have same birthday with me in this world.. Happy birthday to you.....

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old oledi...haiz...
22 years old...
the life of start struggle...
Today , since last night i havent lay down and sleep..
like that my birthday will b longer.. heheheh
this week i was very busy....
from tuesday, after meeting with lect...
a night out with my unimas bunch of best fren... thanks oh.. hehe
yesterday, a meeting for camp... then a supper at jalan song with camp fren...
then today.... the big day of mine....
the sweetest thing i want to do today is cook for my family...spending birthday with family surely is the best of all...행복해!!! ^^
then after dinner with family, out with my long live fren.... heheh... know them for more then 6 years.. some even 10 years... thanks in advance...
tomoro..... come unimas to pass up cd for fyp....
then night... dinner at 4point...
then fetch my sis at airport....
the next day ... taking driving law exam in the morning,
afternoon go training camp at ranchan for 2days 1 night.
until sunday back...
monday.. meeting with lect again.... hmm... quite busy leh...
i really busy this week...
그러지만, 기분이 좋아요.... i feel good and happy....


Thank to my family who always be at my side , as well as my long live and unimas fren..... thanks alot.... love u all.... hehhe...


Happy Birthday to ME!!!!!

May 06, 2009

i dunno what should i give the title of this blog... so consider is my diary then...
today, is the last day of fyp presentation n exhibition...
well... finally end ... huh! not yet... have to change report..

Since is the last day.... everyone is taking photo with course mates...
like market in the fyp lab... totally mess....
that concluded these three years of hardwork...
the feeling is complicated....
should i consider it as happy or sad?
happy for everything is finished, and yet sad for it is the end of everything...
too complicated.....

know what im doing on these three days of exhibition??
the 1st day.. was my presentation...
yes... start from morning, worrying... worrying ...worrying...
until 1pm, i sent myself to the war field....
got shot couples of time... but im still alive...
when i got back to the normal feeling, lab technician started to close light and aircon.... that the end of 1st day...
2nd day... night before.. thinking what should i do in the lab.. so i downloaded entertainment show to be watch in lab.. hahah... me and my fren laugh out quite loud.. hahahah.... people are curious that wat happen to us.. hahahah....
the 3rd day.... watch the show and walking around taking photos.... hahha.....
wat to do.. really nothing to do...

today oso went out with 10 brothers....
happy to spend my time with u guys....
really....
im happy to be in the group...
after steamboat dinner... when for a movie...
dun when we got chance to go out like this again...
hopefully there will be another time...
i will really miss u guys...

my coursemates...from a stranger to best friends... u guys are the best!
i will really miss u guys alot....

i love u all.....

*********************************************************************************
anyway....
another thing that i feel down is... junsu was injured during rehearsal... on 030509, and insists to perform even on wheelchair on 040509.
i watched the fancam... can see that sadness in his face... he like to dance, and be active on stage, but now on a wheelchair , only thing can do is moving his hand and head...sad.... feel sad for him...sprained ankle, that was what doctor said to him and ask him to rest and do not perform for the TSC concert because hurt his leg badly and can barely walk ... but he still insist...although he didnt join all the dance performance, he insist to stand up , at least for the last song, "Bolero"
and why he have to say sorry for his fan? not his mistake.... hope that he get well soon...

앤지야~ 화이팅!!

앤지야.......♥

아자 아자 화이팅!!

넌 할 수 있다, 진짜~

^^^^^^^^^

너자신을 믿다........
포기하지 말라요!!!!

"노력하다~"


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* *
*....아빠, 엄마, 나의 가족이.... *
* *
* ♥♥~~~난 너무 너무 너희들을 사랑해~~~♥♥ *
* *
**********************************************
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♥

i'm glad and i'm sad....

well.... starting this blog again after left it be empty for hundred and thousand of years.......
i was wondering to finish up my friendster blog or something...
ok.. will put into a deep consideration....

it's been years now.......
i was wondering myself that i did really let go everything?
now... i did confirmed myself that i did......
yesterday just knew some booming news ....
i'm glad that i've been step out from this matter for years now....
avoiding myself from falling into a deeper well.....
i really did a good deed to myself and making a right choice at the right time....
but i'm still sad for the one who involved in this matter too...
or should i say, that is what i faced hundred and thousand years ago?
and i should say, i'm sad because i got frenz like that... hmm?
nah.. everthing is pass....
Just let everything gone with the wind ~!
stay strong....
i'm happy with who i am now, and life i live in now...
i'm glad to be single and myself now...


" Most of the time, Why we let the small matter to make us sad, rather than let the happiness to make us happy?"

it's unworthy to be sad over a sad matter.... that is childish.....Stay happy and healthy

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i'm going to sleep now... hahahha.....